I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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