I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize