So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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