There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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