My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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