God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize