Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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