i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
