I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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