Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
