I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
