we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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