I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
