No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
