Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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