I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
