I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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