Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
