my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
