I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
