take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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