So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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