I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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