We named our party play list daddy issues
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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