I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
