Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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