as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain