In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell