you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.