i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
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Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?