I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code