farters have to be the big spoon...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw