he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
