Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
