Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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