she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
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he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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