At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
