i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
