i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
sick fucks of a feather flock together
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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