i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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