We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
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there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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