Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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