I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
there is glitter all over my balls
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
