why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
