we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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