If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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