I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
