My nipple is on Facebook.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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