PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
