I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
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So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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