Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
