Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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