Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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