We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
