Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish you could order shots online.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
