Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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